How Parents Can Rely On Their Intuition And Gut Instincts

If there’s one thing I’ve always trusted, it’s my gut. If something has felt off for me, it usually has been. Whether it was a boyfriend who had been doing shady stuff behind my back, the government, and their lies, or in the most recent years, things having to do with my children. A mother’s intuition has often been described as a deep, almost instinctual ability to sense or understand things about her child without needing explicit evidence or even reasoning.

This concept is rooted in both biology and emotional connection, and it plays a significant role in parenting. I think the hardest part about trusting your gut is when you have the quote unquote experts, whether it’s doctors or, heck, other moms on Instagram who have been doing this longer than you have been, and they’re in your ear.

I have battled this on numerous occasions, whether it was the doctor trying to gaslight me into getting the Rogam shot with my first child, skeptics who didn’t believe I could help my symptoms of HELLP syndrome and preeclampsia and the prenatal thrombosis that I dealt with in my first pregnancy. They didn’t think I could keep it at bay the second time.

Or things with my baby, like the pediatrician having me needlessly worry about thrush or the shape of her head.

The Biological Magic of a Mother’s Intuition

The first is biology and the hormonal changes.

Pregnancy and childbirth release hormones, like oxytocin, which heighten bonding and awareness of the child’s needs. That’s why you hear so many in the holistic arena preaching to avoid Pitocin, because it’s a synthetic form of oxytocin. As someone who has had Pitocin with my first baby, and I didn’t with my second, I can tell you to not believe that lie. The bond between my firstborn and me is like no other. I also love my little girl to the moon and back.

It didn’t matter whether I had pitocin or not, I love them both. And I believe all of this is due to our God given instincts as mothers, whether it’s our first, our second, or our 4th baby. As their caregivers, mothers have been gifted the ability to be highly attuned to their children for survival.

Moms are sensitive to the subtle cues about their child’s health, safety, and emotions. Whether it’s noticing when no one else does, when they go quiet. I’ll never forget when my toddler fell, we were on vacation for my birthday, and my husband kept saying, oh, she’s fine. Because she wasn’t crying yet.

But I saw that look in her eyes, and I knew that that fall was different than other falls that she had had. This kid gets scrapes and bruises all the time. It’s just life of a toddler.

But this time was different. And sure enough, she ended up catching the corner of a lounge chair at the pool, and it almost pierced all the way through her bottom lip. She still has a itty bitty tiny scar to this day.

My mom tells the story of when I broke my collarbone at 3 years old, and there were several family members who are in the medical field and they kept telling her, oh, she’s fine. Don’t worry, she’s fine. My mom knew I wasn’t. And when we returned back to New York from Maine, she brought me to a specialist who did in fact confirm that when I fell off the bed, I did break that collarbone.

Or perhaps it’s a doctor making a recommendation for a particular drug for your child. For me, it’s usually Tylenol. I hear that one a lot. That’s, oh, you know, she had a lip and tongue tie revision and she won’t come down? Tylenol.

Oh, teething, fever going through there? Tylenol.

But deep down in my gut, and I’m sure yours, you know that you can use holistic methods as a first offense instead of that over the counter alternative.

I’ll make sure I say this before it gets blown out of proportion or out of context. I do believe there’s a place for Western medicine, but I’m also very aware that while temperatures can, in fact, reach a dangerous threshold, for sure.

At the end of the day, most of these things can be treated naturally.

We don’t have to immediately go for the things that, quite frankly, are a band aid. Specifically with fevers, which are your body’s defense mechanism, and feedback to show you, hey, I’m doing the right thing. I’m fighting off something. Don’t suppress me because I’m burning it off to help you.

The Emotional Connection Between Moms and Children

The second piece that contributes to the bond between moms and children is the emotional connection.

Many times a mother picks up on unspoken emotions or needs. Essentially, you’re in sync. For example, if you see and feel that your child is uncomfortable being around a particular person, do yourself a favor and take note of that.

There’s a reason, and you need to get to the bottom of it and figure out why.

I kind of look at children as if they’re dogs. Right? They have no problem, like, showing how they feel about someone.

Dogs will let you know, just as a child will, that they don’t feel comfortable around someone. And it’s up to you, the mother, or the father, to read those cues.

Mothers can sense when her child is upset, sick, or in danger. And it’s even before the child expresses it outwardly, and explicitly tells you. You can feel it with their body language. A mother’s observational skills also lend to their intuition. So let’s face it, no one spends more time with their children than the mother.

When they’re little, we’re talking like 4 and under. It’s been said that moms only get an average of 1 hour a day to themselves. And we wonder why so many women are seeking a village, right, and need support and deal with postpartum depression and all of that.

I can personally attest to this, considering the babies and I, we are straight up on the same sleep schedule. It helps that we co sleep, so that’s part of it. But, occasionally, I get the random half hour before they wake up to myself and the 30 minutes after they fall asleep, like right now.

But most times I end up falling asleep singing worship songs with my toddler, because I’m just so exhausted from the day myself. Anyone who’s a mom of a toddler knows that privacy is out the window, specifically in the bathroom it is non existent.

And because we spend the most time with our children, we are the experts in recognizing changes in behavior, tone, or body language. Some may say that this heightened awareness is often the result of accumulated knowledge about that particular child, but I personally feel it’s innate.

And of course, we have all heard the stories of moms who aren’t even with their children, perhaps, you know, they’re adults in a different city. Once you’re a mom, you’re a mom for life. Doesn’t matter if your kid is 2, 22, 42.

And these adults, they pick up the phone, and they call their child because they can just feel that something’s off, something’s wrong. Like, they just have this feeling in their heart and in their gut. Many cultures view a mother’s intuition like this as a spiritual or supernatural gift.

Emphasizing its importance in guiding and protecting children. Cause that’s what we are. We’re their protectors. We’re their mama bears. The lioness.

Observational Skills: The Secret Weapon

So how do parents learn how to trust and develop this intuition?

1st and foremost, like I say in many of my podcasts, listen to your gut. Pay attention to the feelings or thoughts that arise without apparent reason, as they may stem from a subconscious observation.

I’m the research queen. If you know, you know. So as soon as something feels off, I put on my Nancy Drew trench coat and begin to investigate. Anyone who knows me knows I always come with receipts. I am not one to just follow the crowd or do something just because someone who is a critical authority says to. Hard no.

The fact of the matter is, no one has your child’s best interest more than you. Not a doctor, not a teacher, not even an extended family member. It’s you. You’re their first point of contact.

I encourage you to stay present. Because being mindful and present with your child will strengthen the connection that, therefore, fuels your intuition.

I can attest that this has definitely become harder and harder since I have gone from 1 child to 2, and I can’t even imagine someone going from, like, 2 to 4 to 6, whatever.

I mean, my husband’s old boss has 12 children. Wild. You know, it’s not impossible. I just have noticed that it’s definitely more challenging. What I’ve noticed going from 1 child to 2 is that your time is not the same.

I can’t even say that it’s split because it isn’t. The fact of the matter is the older child will still get more attention than the baby because they have more needs and they require more attention.

They’re walking and or running and can just get more hurt, right, than your child who’s just chilling on their love every mat. With this being said, when you’re in and you’re paying attention to that, say, that baby. Right? Like, you’re you’re all you have to be all in. You have to be 100% present. Eye contact, huge. Put the phone down.

And I’m quasi talking to myself here because I catch myself doing this. One of the things that I’ve been trying to do is put the phone down first thing in the morning. So I mentioned that we co sleep with my toddler, and the baby is in her crib next to the bed. And I make sure that my phone is not in my hand when my toddler wakes up.

Now, I might be on it next to her while she’s sleeping, but as soon as she wakes up, boom, it’s down. And I wanna make eye contact with her and ask her how she slept, good morning, yada yada yada.

When I do have that one on one time with the baby before my toddler gets up, I same thing. Phone down, although sometimes I’m taking pictures of her because I’m trying to play catch up with all the photos I have of my toddler.

The ratio is like 10 to 1. Granted, I had two and a half years with her before the baby came along, but still I digress. I really wanna make sure I have that bonding time with her because the rest of the day, it’s in competition with my toddler.

Let’s just be real. Right? She’s not getting that one on one attention. And I can definitely get work done in the morning before my toddler comes up.

But I’m not gonna do that at the price of, you know, sacrificing time with my baby. I mean, yes. I could definitely get work done. Kinda like this podcast, like, should have been done earlier today. But instead, it all came together and the ideas and the notes, it all came to fruition while my infant was contact napping after dinner.

Sure. She was up and she was happy this morning and we were bonding and we had time together and it could have been spent in other ways that maybe on the back end would have helped my podcast team to get things going.

Yes. But I’m very aware of the fact now as a second time mom that these moments are very fleeting, and babies don’t keep. Okay?

I also recommend when you are with your baby, and this is something I have learned as a first time mom and now as a second time mom, that you really need to look your child over from head to toe.

I remember with my toddler, one of the things that I, I guess, I knew but I didn’t know was just like all the little baby hairs. And one of my favorite things about newborns is the tiny, tiny, little baby hairs on their ears. And I just I loved it.

But when you look them over from head to toe, that is gonna help you recognize when something’s off. You’re gonna be able to see wait a minute. What is this new mark? Right? Like like legit. I didn’t know toddlers could get freckles.

And that sounds so stupid, but I’m like, oh, that happens after years years of sun exposure.

But some kids just naturally get freckles. So learning how to find those spots on your baby, maybe it’s their breathing pattern. I know that for me, another thing that I learned, first child to second.

So while my second may not get, like, the same amount of attention, she gets, like, the better version of, like, hey, mommy knows x y z now, and so you’re not the guinea pig. But just learning how they breathe, I highly recommend when your baby is healthy to take a video of them so you know what that normal breathing pattern looks like.

Because I have had a child, my toddler, she did have RSV at 3 and a half. This is certainly not an endorsement for the shot, so please don’t think it is. There are no long term studies on that. It’s a whole another topic. But I can tell you that I treated it at home, and I knew what to look for. I knew that her breathing was off. I had a nebulizer on hand. I had saline solution. Yes.

We did give her a little baby steroid, but she was on it for, at most, 2 days. Most of the treatment she received was holistic. And the whole reason was, I studied her. I learned everything about her, so I was able to recognize when something was off. Think about it. The Bible says God knows every hair on our head, his children. Right?

Luke 12:7. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.

So God knows all of his children. We should know ours too. What I will say is that there needs to be balance with intuition and reason, though.

The Balance Between Intuition and Reason

This past week, my pediatrician noticed at my baby’s 4 month appointment that her head was slightly flatter on the right side. Is this something that I noticed? Yes. In fact, I didn’t mention it to her because I wanted her to bring it up in case I was just seeing things or, like, being overprotective.

So what did I do? I didn’t just go with what she said. I made sure I followed up with 2 more opinions. First was my chiropractor, who, yeah, same as me, noticed it, but once again believes that we can make positive changes with more holistic methods.

You know, weekly adjustments, more tummy time, being very conscientious about when she is in say her bouncer or car seat or even contact napping. So that looks like consciously moving her head to the other side.

If we’ve seen, she’s been on one side for too long. Essentially, making sure she doesn’t favor one side and keeping the other side loose with adjustments weekly. And then the 3rd opinion came from a free consultation from a cranial technologies group, and they put this little cap on her head.

She looks so adorable. And they sat her on this chair and they took these digital photos, 360 degrees. It was pretty wild, and they took these digital photos of her head, and it makes this 3D model. And they confirmed that, yes, there was slight flatness. But, between 4 to 6 months, this is like the worst it would be.

So the fact that it’s so minute at this stage, she was like, it’s not worth you getting a helmet. And I was like, blessed, because that just saved me $6,000. And she agreed that it was something that could be worked out with physical therapy adjustments, etcetera.

So while intuition is very powerful, don’t get me wrong, combining it with logical reasoning and expert advice can definitely lead to better decisions. Overall, a mother’s intuition is a unique blend of love, biology, and experience.

It makes it a very valuable guide in nurturing, and most importantly, protecting children.