Alright. So today, we are going to talk all about being an overstimulated mom because I feel you. I want you to know that it is a real thing, and I want you to feel validated if you have experienced it. Because I know many times when you go through it, you feel like a really crummy mom. Right? And I want you to know you’re not a crummy mom. You’re just literally overstimulated.
And it doesn’t matter whether you are a stay at home mom, a work from home mom, a out of the home working mom. We’ve all experienced it. There are no breaks. So, obviously, if you are at home with your children, you are feeling it from the moment you wake up and they wake up, until they go to bed.
You’re trying to rush to get things done even if you are up before them. I mean, I personally get woken up by my kiddos. Because I value sleep so much, I wake up with my children. Like, I’m not one of those, I get up two hours before they wake up.
Like, I understand that maybe that’s part of my problem. Maybe I should. But I know I can’t function as a mom, as a golf professional if I don’t get proper sleep. And for me, like, six hours doesn’t cut it.
I need to have at least seven. Eight is great. So I appreciate the stay at home moms. I appreciate the work out of the home moms.
The Mental Load of Being a Working Mom: Navigating Overstimulation and Finding Balance
That’s what I am in this season. And it’s just as hard. Yes. You’re getting a break from wiping butts and getting breakfast, lunch, and dinner because you have caretakers doing that for you.
But while you’re at work, you are stimulated by your job. You’re having conversations with people. In my line of work, you know, if I’m teaching six hours a day, that’s six hours of conversation I’m having with people, obviously, talking about their golf swing, but talking about their personal life, where they went to dinner, what’s going on in the world, and then add it on to everything else that you interact with when you’re at work. Right? You know, it’s it’s a lot.
And especially if you are introverted like me, I’m actually an extrovert introvert, but a lot of that conversation is draining when you’re out of the home. And then you come back to your home, and then you have children who want your attention, rightfully so. Right?
Because they haven’t been with you all day. And it it’s a problem, and we need to be able to handle it because it’s not going away. Right? Like, you’re in this season, especially when your kids are little. I I believe that that’s probably when it’s the hardest because they need you, right, twenty four seven.
They wanna hang out with you. Like, as kids get older, they really don’t wanna hang out with their parents.
I pray my girls always wanna hang out with me, but it’s obviously a lot different when they’re small. And we need to learn how to compartmentalize the feelings. We need to know how to handle it because we don’t want to act out because this can definitely happen.
You don’t wanna act out in a way where you snap, especially at your kids or your spouse. And so some of the signs of overstimulation, like, they can be the feelings of anxiety, feeling like you don’t have enough time in your day, you’re irritated that things aren’t going right, you’re frustrated.
Obviously, there’s a lack of patience, it’s difficult to focus, and it can lead to that level of snapping. I know for me, I definitely start to feel super anxious. I look at my list of things to do.
I feel like there’s not enough time in the day, and I begin to shut down. I noticed that, like, my my body and and my mind just they change when I’m overstimulated. And I get super distracted, which leads me to not getting my list of things done.
Understanding and managing parental overstimulation (emotional rollercoaster) with toddlers
Sometimes I forget things, and then I get mad at myself. And then if it gets really bad, I I don’t have patience with my girls, and then it leads to guilt because I snapped. It’s it’s a vicious cycle. And I have to remind myself, like, okay. She’s only three.
Right? I have to say three is. They talk about the twos. No. Like, threes is is different. Right? Because they’re this is just a sidebar. Like, three year olds definitely have more autonomy over their body, and so they they have no problem telling you no or I don’t wanna put that on or I don’t wanna go. And they have learned how to reason.
Like, they know how to you know, if you tell them to do something, they are trying to I don’t wanna say they wanna compromise with you because they they they wanna do what they wanna do, but they they start to definitely push back a lot more.
And when they don’t get their way, because they’re so small, they have a difficult time channeling their own emotions. Right? So if you have a child that is small and doesn’t know how to regulate their emotions, and then you’re an adult struggling to regulate your emotions, it is an absolute recipe for disaster.
And in doing some research on this whole thing, it led me to an article, and there is a doctor, Emily Garnata, and and she talks all about this. And she said everyone has different limits for stimulation, and these limits, they can shift throughout the day.
So your mood, your state of health, hunger, and sleep, like, all of that impacts your sensory limits in a particular moment. And when I read that, it it hit home to me because I know how important, like I said, sleep is. Right? I have to get that sleep. But fitness.
Fitness and Body Image: A Professional Athlete’s Postpartum Journey
Fitness for me is huge for a couple of reasons. One, obviously, all of the happy happy, you know, blood and emotions that flood to your brain. But not only that, like, the endorphins aside, especially in postpartum, I try to work so hard to physically getting back to where I was. I’m a professional athlete.
I cringe when my clothes don’t fit. Like, I am not one of those women, and you could probably say, yeah. But, Maren, maybe you should be. I’m not one of those women that says, oh, buy the bigger size.
No. Like, I’m the work towards getting back into my clothes person. Like, that’s just who I am. A, I have enough clothes to choke a horse. I don’t need any more clothes. And b, I don’t ever wanna get complacent. Like, I need to know, okay. These jean shorts don’t fit.
I need to do something about it. Or, oh, you know, these these pants are a little tight. Or, oh, this shirt, you know, is a little snug here. Let me reel it in on my diet, you know, and not have so many cookies. I’m a I’m listen. I’m a cookie fiend. Chocolate chip cookies, I’m a connoisseur. Right? But when it comes to my fitness, that’s when I really start to have some issues.
And I had a conversation with my husband on Monday, and so that’s his day off. And I I expressed to him that I was frustrated because as a mom, you are the the lifeline. Right? Doesn’t matter how involved your partner is. K? I will be the first to tell you that my husband is a fantastic husband. He’s a great dad. He works a lot. He loves his girls. I have tremendous support from my parents.
They take care of my girls while I’m at work and my husband’s at work. They’re fantastic. So I have that village when I’m working full time in the golf industry. With that being said though, there needs to be balance with your relationship with your spouse where whatever it is that helps you deal with this overstimulation is in place.
And for me, I expressed to him because he was working out and he was, you know, you know, swinging his speed stick golf gloves, and then he jumped in the pool for his, you know, contrast therapy. So, you know, you’re sweating, sweating, sweating, you’re hot, and then you jump in the pool, yada yada yada, then you take a hot shower.
That’s our, our at home version of our contrast therapy. And I was up with the baby, nursing her, then changing her, then my toddler’s up, up, then I have to get the toddler on the toilet, then I am getting them dressed, and I’m getting her breakfast, all while he’s doing this.
Right? And shame on me that I didn’t go out and interrupt his workout. I should have. But also, there’s part of me that I know how important it is to him too, because neither of us with our schedules this time of year, the winter is in South Florida as a golf professional.
This is the height of our season.
So we’re both trying to make sure that the other’s bucket is getting full with the things that are important to us, but inevitably, sometimes the balance doesn’t always, end up fifty fifty.
And on that morning, it didn’t end up fifty fifty. It was definitely not in my favor, and I snapped. I was just like, I didn’t get to work out.
Managing Maternal Overwhelm and Balancing Self-Care and Family Priorities
I am feeling gross. I’m feeling all of these things. I’m rushing to work. I have a long day of teaching. I had, like, six hours of lessons. The girls, you know, needed me in all these different directions, and it was a lot. So for me, it’s being aware of my battery level. And my battery level, because I’ve been working so much, is super low.
And so this morning, I’m off. And when I’m off, my toddler has a class that she goes to. It’s a mommy and me class, and it was actually the last one of the season. So I knew I had to make it a priority to work out. I had to get this podcast done because I knew that this was the only time that I would get to do it before I was out running errands or taking her to the park or whatever.
And I didn’t go to the class. And then I started beating myself up about not going to the class. A, she does love it. B, it’s paid for and it’s not cheap.
And I had to make a choice and I spoke to my father and he’s like, Maren, it’s already paid for. So, like, the money is already gone. So don’t worry about the money. Like I said, these aren’t these aren’t cheap classes, but it is what it is. And he’s like, just go about your day. He’s like, get your workout in and go from there. And so, that’s what I did.
We didn’t drive the half hour to the class. We missed it. I texted the teacher, you know, that I’m sorry and we’ll miss you guys, blah blah blah. I got the workout in. And then in order for me to record this, I have my toddler with her Tony’s box and headphones on. I have to nurse the baby.
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Like, I have to figure out what it is I need to do to get the things that I need done. And the best way to figure this out is you have to write down what are the things that make you feel complete.
Is it having that evening walk by yourself where you can listen to whatever you wanna listen to. I mean, as a mom, how many times are you in the car with your kids and you don’t get to listen to the podcast you wanna listen to or the type of music even that you wanna listen to, you know, because maybe it’s not for little ears.
Maybe it’s, like I said, exercising. What is it that helps you replenish that internal battery? Because if you don’t become aware of it, and you don’t write it down, and you don’t implement it as much as you can, you’re going to argue with your partner. You are going to get that migraine headache.
Maybe you aren’t normally a very sensitive person, but the littlest thing, you know, because it’s been building building, it makes you snap. And then you do cry at work, you know, to your boss. That’s also happened to me too, and I’m not that person at all.
I never wanna be like that, especially not in the golf industry, which is a male dominated history. You do not wanna be known as the female that causes drama. So it looks differently on different people, the overstimulation. Right? The the side effects of it.
And so it takes time to figure out what are your signs of overstimulation. And then once you start to feel them, you need to lean into what are those outlets for you. So like I said, for me, it’s definitely fitness and it’s definitely checking things off of my list. That’s that’s huge for me because I start to feel more accomplished.
The Overscheduled Parent: Breaking Free from the Busyness Trap and Finding Balance
Like, alright, this is my day off, look how many things I got done. And the other thing that I want to recommend, because I just talked about how I didn’t go to that class today. And I feel guilty because I know she loves it. The teachers are fantastic.
But I believe that as parents, we get so busy getting from point a to point b, going to the next thing, the next class, the next sport. We have these blinders on and we’re just go go go. We’re in this constant state of, you know, fight or flight mode, and that really stresses out our sympathetic nervous system.
And when we reach that maximum threshold from all of this input, so whether it’s going from place to place, like, it it could even be, you know, too much noise or too much touch.
Right? That happens a lot as a stay at home mom, I can tell you.
You know, for me, I’m super introverted. So, like I said, I I talk a lot during the day, so that could that for me leads to a lot of stimulation. And so when we’re trying to help our children navigate these big feelings, we really need to work on it ourself.
So one of the things that I’ve also done besides writing down a list of things that I know make me feel good, right, that help me get back centered and not be this overstimulated mom.
My dad, you know, it’s kind of funny. My dad is he’s taught me so so much in in my almost 39 years of life, but he’s definitely taught me a lot, most recently in the last few years in becoming a parent. And he he always says to me, Maren, count to 10.
And if you don’t feel better by 10, he always tease me, he’s like, then you need to count to 100. But it’s it’s so true because we need to take those moments and pause Because we need to learn how to navigate our own emotions.
Because we are the mirror for our children. So if we are not being the example of how to handle our emotions for, you know, our our children, they’re not gonna emulate it. That’s and then they’re gonna be what? Overstimulated. They’re gonna be having meltdowns, which is gonna lead to us not being able to cope with it and have our own meltdown. So we have to be the road map for them and the mirror that they are duplicating.
I think it also helps to understand that, one, this is just a season.
Your children are going to grow up, and they’re not going to be this way forever. Right? I mean, typically, once they’re seven years old, they’re learning how to regulate their emotions. So this is definitely a blip on the radar. I mean, you spend most I think it’s, like, something like 80% of your time with your child will be with them as an adult.
So this is literally such a such a tiny, tiny blip, as hard as it may be. But once you’re aware that, you know, your feelings are valid, like, no one likes having these meltdowns, Make peace with the the fact that it’s this is gonna be short lived. Okay? And now you know your needs. Right? Because you’ve written them down.
Protecting Your Mental Battery – Building Sensory Armor and Staying Proactive
You’ve expressed it to your partner or, you know, whomever’s in your circle that, hey. I need to be doing these at least one of these things per day so that I am putting on this, like, a sensory armor. Right? I’m protecting myself from snapping.
I’m protecting myself from, you know, not being this great mom, and I’m I’m using that in in quotes, like, because I know you feel that way. You are a great mom. But when you react in this way, you don’t feel like it.
And you know you can always do better. And so when you know better, you do better.
So when you know what you need to fill your cup and keep that battery as full as it can be. Right? Don’t have the red bar on it. Don’t go into low battery mode. You know? You wanna be in the green. You are able to be proactive.
And then when these outbursts or, you know, loud play is happening in your house or perhaps it’s a meltdown, you know, hey. I’ve taken care of myself. And now even though my kid is overstimulated and having these issues, I’m able to help them regulate themselves, bring themselves back down, and now we’re all feeling better.
You know when it’s coming for your child as well, I have to say. So that is has been a key for me is that I know if my child doesn’t nap, something something’s gonna go down. Right? So I do my best to make sure we stick to her routine, and we just do it a little earlier.
And I get her to bed earlier because just like her mommy and daddy, when she doesn’t sleep, she’s cranky. And I think we forget about that sometimes as parents. We forget because we assume, oh, they’re little. Right? Like, we kinda forget that they’re humans too. So they get hangry.
They get tired. They get overstimulated. Right? They get over gosh. I mean, whether I mean, we don’t do iPads or anything like that, but she will, you know, look at our phone sometimes to look at pictures or, obviously, sometimes the TV’s on in the background, or maybe we’ve gone to gosh.
The mall is always the worst. I swear. I don’t know what it is. Every time we go to the mall, which isn’t that often right now, but when it’s summertime in South Florida, like, sometimes that’s your entertainment.
You go to the mall because it’s nice and cool. But whenever we’ve gone there, it it’s just a lot. And so know that with your babies. Know that your babies get overstimulated. How can you help them as well?
And I believe in routine. I believe in helping them get rest even if it’s just maybe they don’t wanna take a nap, but you’re not putting any kind of music or TV on.
You’re just resting, you know, laying there even if their eyes are open in, you know, in the room. You know, try to make it as dark as possible, but you can just talk softly with one another.
Like, make sure that they have that time because I and I know that’s hard as your child gets older and over and they don’t nap. You have to have a break for them too. They they need to have that break in stimulation.
That is huge that we don’t want a sensory overload because if we know it affects us as adults and our nervous system, I can promise you it’s also happening to your child.
So find out what the stimuli is that’s obviously triggering you, but also find out what it is for your child. And you’re learning how to cope with it. You know what you need to rest and recover. What does your child need as well to rest and recover? And at the end of the day, parenthood is one long journey.
We’re not gonna get it right every single time. We’re gonna have good days. We’re gonna have bad days. We are gonna feel overwhelmed at times. That’s gonna pop up. But if we can do these things to be on point, you know, at least 75, 80 percent of the time, like, I think that’s a win. I do have my moments. You’re gonna have your moments too.
We mess up sometimes, but together, we are navigating how to regulate our emotions in a healthy way. We’re giving empathy, not only to our children, but to ourselves. And I hope this was helpful. It was extremely therapeutic for me, so I appreciate you listening.
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