I’ve recently had one of my Instagram comments gain a lot of traction, and I thought, hey, why not do a podcast episode on this? Because, clearly, it’s something that a lot of parents are needing to hear.
The context of the reel that I commented on was of a woman venting about how she thinks that kids sports today are harmful to marriages and families. Now that might seem like a very wild claim, but when you break it down, it really isn’t.
Impact of Kids’ Sports on Family Dynamics
First of all, most marriages are already walking a thin line with the divorce rate being 50%. Now imagine you don’t get regular time with your spouse because each of you is running off to one of your child’s sports. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.
No one on one time for the parents, not bonding together as a family on a weekend, or even being able to take family vacations together because your kids have some kind of competition that weekend.
One is doing soccer while the other is at the baseball field. Not only that, but they’re not just in the school’s program, the school’s team. Right? Like when I was a kid, but they’re doing additional training with sports specific coaches, and they’re part of a travel team, sometimes multiple travel teams.
Add in the price of all the equipment, travel, and coaching to a family that is probably already feeling the economic pinch right now, and you have a boiling pot of water ready to spill over at any minute. But it’s for the kids.
Right? No. It’s more harmful than helpful most times.
Multiple sports commitments, travel teams, and financial strain on families
Recently, I completed a course with the PGA of America for an additional certification in coaching, and I thought I’d share with you some of the tips and strategies that I have learned from their research, plus my own personal experience.
Don’t forget, I am a former Division 1 athlete. I am a former Division 1 head coach. I did that for 8 years. And now I am a professional golfer, as is my husband.
I cannot stress the importance of having your children involved with sports, but also being reasonable about their future in the sport. This is a very controversial statement. The likelihood of a child going to college on a scholarship is less than 2%. People are misled by coaches, programs, etcetera, when the children are small, because it is a major moneymaker for those programs.
According to Time Magazine... I know. I know. Okay. The flip flop magazine, but hear me out.
At the high end of kids sports, families can spend more than 10% of their income on registration fees, travel, camps, and equipment. When I was a kid back in the nineties, kids were playing in local little leagues, which right now is down 20% from its turn of the century peak.
They played in church basketball leagues or the town soccer association. In this article by Time, they interviewed several parents who are spending tens of 1,000s of dollars on their child’s sport, commuting hours and hours, skipping weddings and birthday parties and more.
And in my own personal experience and, obviously, in a sport that is a very expensive sport, golf, I can attest to that. The difference is what I did and my level at which I did it, I was in the 2%.
According to Wintergreen Research, a private firm that tracks the industry, the US youth sports economy, which includes everything from travel to private coaching to apps that organize leagues and livestream games, is that now it is a 15.3 billion dollar market. Yes.
You heard that right. That was a b for billion, not an m, that was a b. The industry has grown by 55% since 2010. When you hear statistics like:
- the average annual travel baseball player paying $2,178 per year, which doesn’t include uniforms or any ancillary fees,
- or when you hear volleyball leading the pack of sports at an average of $3,159
- a year or gymnastics coming in a close second with $2,778 per year
…it all begins to make sense.
Misconceptions Around Kids’ Sports
Here’s some tough love. Parents need to stop coddling their children. They need to have a reality check with their kid’s talent. I’ve said what I’ve said.
Now my husband and I have to agree to disagree on this next piece. He grew up playing traditional team sports as a kid, baseball, then basketball, and, eventually, he turned to golf in his junior year of high school while still also playing basketball.
Whereas, I played all individual sports that had a team aspect to it. Meaning, I could win my event in swimming, or I could win the golf tournament and be the medalist as an individual, but I was still part of a team and I could help my team win too.
I joined my varsity golf team as a 7th grader in middle school after I dropped swimming. There are sports your kids can do for a lifetime, and if they truly accelerate in them, they can eventually gain a college scholarship and they will be on a team competing.
I believe, obviously, in athletics, but I highly recommend getting kids involved with individual sports over team sports. For example, golf, tennis, swimming, martial arts.
The result of my husband and mine’s experience, well, I played at the Division 1 collegiate level and became a professional golfer, whereas he did not play collegiate sports. He wasn’t part of the 2% who earned scholarships in the team sports that he played throughout growing up. He didn’t go on to that college level of playing baseball or basketball, which he started as a young kid.
But, ultimately, yes, he did become a professional golfer, which actually was the last sport he learned to play competitively. So we both ended up at the same finish point. Right? We’re both class a PGA professionals, but the difference is the road that we took to get there and how fast we did it.
Plus, I had my college education paid for. And while what I’m about to share with you is specifically coming from the science and research shared by the PGA of America, it is something that should be used across the board for all sports.
The other reason I am sharing this information is because I believe all children should be involved with some kind of sport, especially since our country is facing an obesity epidemic of epic proportions, specifically with our children.
Currently, the rate of childhood obesity in America is 50%.
So, from ages 0 to 6, it should just be about fun. Children’s bodies aren’t ready for focus sports. It can lead to frustration, injuries, and, quite frankly, disinterest in sport altogether. I don’t know about you, but my toddler’s energy is next level, so I am always looking for ways to burn her out.
And toddlers should have at least 30 minutes of organized physical activity, and preschoolers need to have at least 60 minutes a day.
The Importance of Sports for Children: Combating Childhood Obesity and Promoting Healthy Development
In today’s world, where childhood obesity rates are skyrocketing, it’s more crucial than ever to encourage our children to be active and involved in sports. With the alarming statistic that 50% of American children are now considered obese, it’s time for parents to take action and prioritize physical activity in their children’s lives.
However, it’s essential to approach sports and physical activity in an age-appropriate manner. For young children, ages 0 to 6, the focus should be on fun and exploration rather than structured, competitive sports. At this stage, children’s bodies are not ready for intense, focused athletic activities. Pushing them too hard too soon can lead to frustration, injuries, and even a lasting disinterest in sports altogether.
So, what should parents do? The key is to incorporate regular, enjoyable physical activity into your child’s daily routine. For toddlers, aim for at least 30 minutes of organized physical activity each day. As they grow into the preschool years, increase this to a minimum of 60 minutes daily. This doesn’t mean you need to enroll them in formal sports programs – simple, fun activities like running around the park, playing catch, or having a dance party in the living room can all contribute to meeting these goals.
Remember, the goal at this age is to instill a love for movement and activity, not to create the next Olympic athlete. By making physical activity a fun, regular part of your child’s life from an early age, you’re setting them up for a lifetime of health and wellness, while also combating the growing threat of childhood obesity.
Providing unstructured play for preschool children and toddlers
Parents, you should be providing unstructured physical activity active play for at least 60 minutes a day and up to several hours per day for toddlers and preschoolers. So when that baby comes out and they tell you to start doing tummy time, that’s, like, when that activity begins, man.
Toddlers and preschoolers should not be sedentary for more than 60 minutes at a time, except if they’re sleeping, which we all want. Right? Now the next phase, the learn to play stage, that’s when they’re about 9 to 12, so that’s right before puberty.
It is so important to make sure that the child is enjoying the sport because, otherwise, the likelihood of them continuing and finding success within that sport is very small. The PGA of America’s research finds that children should be playing multiple sports and then narrowing it down to 3 during this age.
So, if you’re narrowing it down to 3, what does that mean? That means you’re exposing them to at least double that. Right? And they should be playing these sports in different seasons versus 12 months per year.
That is so, so important. And what’s happening now, if you don’t know, I am originally from the northeast. I am from New York, and I currently live in South Florida. What all of these northern states are doing, because, quite frankly, it is very difficult to compete with the Sun Belt.
I know that firsthand with my college, like, my alma mater. We were in a division that was almost damn well impossible to compete with because we were the furthest North school and we’re competing with UNC Wilmington and University of Richmond, Elon, etcetera. You get the idea.
These schools that are in North Carolina and Virginia where they had much more practice time than we did in New York.
And winning our conference championship was something that was short of a miracle. So what’s happening is now these northern states, they know that, and so they’re creating these facilities where kids can be practicing and playing and competing indoors, specifically. Right?
You know, your soccer and things like that, lacrosse, 12 months a year. But what that leads to is injury, overuse. Now when you have them playing different sports, different seasons, getting a break, you know, playing playing with different kids. Right?
Because if you think about it, when they’re playing these different sports and in these different seasons, they have different teammates. They can build different relationships. It’s also gonna help your child figure out what they excel at and which ones they actually like to participate in.
As a parent, you’ll be wasting your time and money schlepping your kid around to a sport that they could care less about. Okay? And you sure as heck don’t want them resenting you for it. It’s also important to apply a ratio of 70% training and fun to the 30% competition.
So we focus so much on the games, the games, the games, and that’s not where we should be focusing our attention. Those participants that undertake this type of preparation are better prepared for competition in the long run and the short term than those who are focused solely on winning.
What I see a lot of parents in this age bracket doing is having their kids on these travel teams, sometimes multiple travel teams, which is mainly focused on what? Winning the game. Competition. While I am by no means a participation trophy kind of gal.
If you know, you know. Right? I do find the value in kids getting out there and being active. Truth be told, why are we cutting 7 year olds from a baseball team? A soccer team. Just so they can go sit at home and play on their iPad? I mean, come on.
That’s why we are reaching this 50% obesity rate.
Because kids who are focused on sports, obviously, they’re moving their bodies. But fitness, which typically goes hand in hand with nutrition, which our kids are exposed to in consuming so many processed foods. That’s what’s leading to the diabetes epidemic and the obesity.
The Importance of Fun and Balance
- Ages 0-6: Fun First
- Focus on unstructured play.
- Encourage activities that burn energy and incorporate skills naturally.
- Keep organized activities short and engaging.
- Ages 7-12: Learning and Enjoyment
- Mix different sports across different seasons.
- Ensure that your child is enjoying the activities.
But if we get our kids involved with sports, we can bring that number down.
Now, the next stage is the play to improve level, which is for those learning to become more competitive. But you’ll notice that optimizing training and competition ratios, they’re gonna follow a 60 to 40 percent ratio.
Too much competition wastes valuable training time. Kids should be focusing on improving their strength and conditioning, their flexibility, their skills for that sport through drills. And this is where I’ll say as a parent, you can 100% be involved during this whole process.
Parental Involvement: Be Their Biggest Cheerleader
While you may not be on the field with them in the game, you can start showing them the importance of moving their bodies at a very early age. I’ve had my babies in their bouncers since they were infants while I worked on my postpartum body, lifting weights.
I mean, my toddler even says, you need the bench today? She knows, and she has her own little plastic weights. They literally don’t know anything different than watching mommy and daddy taking care of their bodies.
That is the type of movement we should be working on. And quite frankly, for the 1st decade of their life, they don’t need a coach to help them do it. They just need you. Let me ask you. Honest question. Right? How many sports did you play growing up? And I’m not saying you had to be on a specific team.
I’m just saying, could you pick up a lacrosse stick? Well, maybe not if you’re not from the northeast. There’s kind of a northeast thing. It’s starting to go everywhere else.
- But could you kick a soccer ball? Most likely, yes. Right?
- Did you have a baseball in your hand or a softball?
- Did you, when you’re on vacation, play tennis? Right?
Like, you probably knew how to play a bunch of different sports, which ultimately made you a better athlete. And who got you involved? It was your family. Right? Chances are you were kicking a soccer ball in the grass with your mom or throwing a baseball with your father. Your influence as a parent, my friend, is huge.
And while I wholeheartedly believe children can be positively influenced by mentors in their sport, I was an athlete, and I know that I definitely have coaches that I’ve looked up to growing up. And I know I was that for the ladies that I coached as well.
But some of my fondest athletic memories are with my parents when I was a kid, whether it was my mom teaching me how to play tennis, going skiing with my dad, or on the golf course with both of them.
In a survey of 296 NCAA Division 1 male and female athletes, UCLA researchers discovered that 88% played an average of 2 to 3 sports as children.
Look at some of the best athletes in the world and in our time. Tom Brady, Jack Nicklaus, just to name a few. They played multiple sports.
The final stage that teens enter as they’re narrowing their focus on their sport is the play to win stage.
Now, we are focusing on win win win. Let’s get the trophy. Right? Let’s hoist it. And that’s why the ratio changes.
So now the training piece versus the competition goes to 25% training, 75% competition. Now, the competition percentage, that is the actual competitions and specific training for the competitions.
So, for example, let’s just use golf because that’s my wheelhouse. The 25% would be the hitting balls at the range or putting drills, and the 75% would be going out and playing 9 holes, playing 18 holes.
Like, yes, you’re practicing and you’re obviously building your skill set, but you’re focused on a number that you have to hit. Right? Like, you’re trying to make pars. You’re trying to make birdies, and it’s helping you translate that when you are into competition.
Now at this point, yes, I do believe that if your child is looking to compete in college and beyond, you will have to make the time commitment and, obviously, a financial investment. But it’s when they get to this final stage. It’s not when they’re 6 or 9 years old.
As a golf professional, I get asked all the time when parents or grandparents come up to me and they say, you know, what age should I introduce my kid or grandchild to the game? And they’re very surprised when I say 4 years old, but don’t bring them to me.
The attention span straight up just is not there. And quite frankly, I’m gonna charge you the same amount I charge an adult because my time is money. And you can teach them the basics on your own. I mean, these parents and these grandparents, they know how to play golf, obviously. That’s how they know me.
Right? And they’ve been exposed to it for, gosh, decades and been playing for a long time. They know how to teach them how to hold it or how to tee it up, etcetera. All these things that a young child needs to know.
They just wanna have fun. Because do you know how many of my fellow competitors I played against in high school who did go on to compete in college, got completely burnt out, and even spent years not touching a golf club because of the intensity and how young they were when they started?
The pressure to perform is real, and the fact of the matter is kids wanna be kids. The average number of sports played by children ages 6 to 17 has dipped for 3 straight years, according to the Sports and Fitness Industry Association.
And according to a study published in the May issue of American Journal of Sports Medicine, University of Wisconsin researchers found that young athletes who participated in their primary sport for more than 8 months a year were more likely to report overuse injuries.
It pretty much solidifies what I said earlier according to the PGA of America and how I said those stages should all be applied to not just golf, but all sports.
Some of what you just heard might have felt like tough love, but I also know that you probably needed to hear me say it. The keeping up with the Joneses vibe that comes with parenthood is very real. I promise you, you’re not gonna be a deadbeat parent by not having your kids in all of these elite leagues.
The reality is there’s a bigger price tag that you as a parent can end up paying that is a lot higher than the expenses for travel, equipment, and the league, and that’s time together as a family.
And I seriously hope that if your child is playing sports, that you’re like my parents were, and you’re all in with watching every shot, hit, or stroke, because, otherwise, you truly are wasting everyone’s time if you’re just looking down at your phone the whole dang time.
Kids remember that. Like I said, I’m a tough love kind of gal. Time is the only resource that you can’t get more of.
It’s important for you and your spouse to have time with one another, and it is equally important to have time together making memories as a family. And if your kid is participating in these sports, please be present with them.
Be able to talk about the game with them on the way home, how they can improve, what they felt out there. It’s so dang important, and they’re gonna remember that more than anything. They’ll remember you being there for the game winning shot and seeing it.
Motherhood Mentorship Calls
If you’ve been through a scenario like this at any point during your parenthood journey, please know you’re not alone. Parenthood is difficult yet rewarding, and I’m here to support you in each season of that journey. If you’ve been through a scenario like this throughout your parenthood journey, please know you’re not alone.
Parenthood is the most difficult yet rewarding job you’ll ever have. And I’m here to help you support and I’m here to help support you in each season of that journey. I have 30 minute I have 30 minute motherhood mentorship calls that I offer to help talk you through your questions, your research findings, maybe it’s help with your birth preferences, whatever it is.
Added support on topics like we discussed today too. This is your time, and we’ll customize the conversation to best fit your needs. Sign up for your motherhood mentorship call.
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