One of my biggest fears of going from 1 child to 2 was what a dramatic change it would be for our family dynamic and our routine. I won’t lie. It has certainly been a big shift for our family to go from 3 to a rounded out foursome. But I wish I hadn’t worried about it as much as I did in pregnancy.
Before we dive into today’s discussion about growing a family and how we’ve been navigating it over here in our household in the first almost month, I wanna share with you a question that I was asked this week by one of my friends on social media.
As you probably have gathered by now, I’m a cesspool of knowledge, and I swear, every week, I’m getting asked my personal opinion on or information about any given topic.
Seriously, there are no limits. I am your virtual millennial dear Abby.
User-Generated Content – Question of The Week
So I’ve been talking a lot about UGC, which stands for user generated content, on social media this past month. In fact, I created an ongoing 5 day workshop to teach people how to earn passive income by tapping into this arena.
There are definitely skeptics out there though, and I get it. Most times, if something seems too good to be true, it’s because it is. I’ve had folks in my DMs, literally, since I started talking about this, saying things like, is this really possible? Is this a scam?
Can anyone really do this? And the answer is yes. Anyone can do this. And I promise you it is very, very real. This past workshop that I ran had 52 participants.
Remember, I’ve been in the social selling and coaching mentorship space for nearly 11 years. So when I tell you that for the first time in a very long time that I have seen people collectively winning, I mean it.
And man oh man, is it empowering? In the 5 days that we worked together, I had people booking jobs left and right. K? Cash deposited into their accounts, free products sent to their homes, and some of them, even within the first few days of starting the workshop, they earned their investment that they made into my workshop back and more.
It has been such a stark contrast to working in network marketing, where typically only a very tiny, tiny, tiny pool of people are winning financially and receiving the accolades.
As a mentor, this is my hand to God, the best I have felt helping people in a long time. And while I do believe in network marketing and I have seen personal success in it, plus, I’ve mentored others to do the same.
Helping people learn about UGC and getting cash deposited into their PayPal accounts within days, it just hits different.
Namely, because of the time factor, people are getting cash injections in a short period of time. Whereas, in network marketing, it took a long time. And I was in a particular niche, still am, you know, I still have my account open, where you’re promoting and sharing a story that’s based upon your health.
And we all know that true health doesn’t come overnight. It takes work, and it takes making radical change to your nutrition and your sleeping habits and your stress levels and and working on your fitness.
So, that alone right there is a major difference. You’re able to get results from UGC a lot faster.
Overview of workshop success and participants’ achievements
The experience level is different. Literally, you can have zero knowledge of social media and still find success in UGC. Albeit, you have to be in my workshop so I can teach you those simple steps.
But, still, you do not have to have a background in marketing or years years in social selling in order to find success.
And it’s funny because those in my group that saw the most success in that short amount of time, most of them did not have any experience in network marketing or social selling prior to the workshop, which I thought was very revealing about UGC.
Because there are several women in the workshop that do have experience, whether it’s been with paid sponsorship, deals, or network marketing, that weren’t landing as many jobs as those newbies, which I thought was pretty cool.
Empowering community atmosphere within the workshop
And most importantly, and this is what I felt to be so empowering, is there was true camaraderie. Unlike the fakeness you typically will find in network marketing.
I had a specific thread in my Telegram feed that was dedicated to their UGC wins. And these women were cheering one another on when they got their paydays and jobs accepted.
They would share job listings with one another if they knew that a particular job was a better fit from someone else than themselves. It was genuine empowerment.
So I could talk about this for days, but like I said, I’ve been getting so many DMs inquiring about UGC. I just wanted to touch on it again in this beginning of my episode. But if you wanna learn more about UGC, I did record a podcast that is specifically dedicated to the entire topic, so be sure to check that out.
How To Make Money Fast With User-Generated Content
Challenges and Strategies for Transitioning to Two Children
People kept telling me, you’ll never remember life before that second baby arrives, or things like, it’ll feel like they’ve been here the whole time. Some of that is very true. I truly believe that this little girl was meant to complete our family of 4, but it definitely hasn’t come without its challenges.
Starting with splitting up my time between both my daughters. For the past two and a half years, it’s been me and my mini me. 21 of those months, I was at home with her solo. Whether it’s nurture or nature, I don’t really know, but she really is my mini me.
It’s scary. The way she looks, speaks, her mannerisms, and more. So, when I had to go to the hospital right after her sister was born, which you may or may not know wasn’t part of the home birth plan, it completely rocked my world.
Here we were, nearly two and a half years later, and I had never been away from her overnight. Now a new little person entered our lives, and we were separated.
Truth be told, it probably hurt my heart more than hers, because she got to hang out with Gigi and do all the things with her, but still that new life hit me like a ton of bricks.
Introduction process of our new baby to our toddler
It was a wake up call to say, yes, Maren, your time will be split. When we arrived home, my husband and I, we made sure that when the 2 girls met, not that the newborn would remember, but but we wanted to make sure that our toddler felt loved and safe and appreciated.
So we made sure that neither my husband nor I were holding the new baby. So my husband, I couldn’t carry my toddler in because I was obviously recovering from childbirth of a 9lb, 2 oz baby, naturally unmedicated at home.
So my husband carried my toddler into our bedroom, and that’s the baby was already in there. She was laying in her Snuggle Me.
And then I sat on the bed, and my husband handed my toddler over to me, and I gave her a big hug and a kiss, told her how much I missed her, yadayada, and that’s how we introduced her to her new baby sister.
Now, yes, she was definitely primed for this moment and that she knew possible names that we were thinking of, or at least I was thinking of because I knew the gender and my husband didn’t.
And we had been practicing, which is also probably why my husband assumed that the baby was a girl, because I really was harping on my daughter’s name so much. I tried to keep it a secret as best I could, but it is what it is.
Involving our toddler in pregnancy and preparation for sibling role
The assignment of big sister was very exciting to her. She loved telling everyone. And to this day, when we go out in public, she loves showing off her baby sister and points her out to literally everyone.
And I had made sure that she was a part of all of my midwife’s appointments. Now my midwife came to my home, so my toddler was very hands on. I mean, she would even do the doppler with her.
She would check my blood pressure with me in the morning. She understood the assignment, okay, of being a big sis.
Although, she still thinks the baby came out of my butt, but we’ll work on that concept when she gets older. She’s 2 and a half.
We don’t really need to go over all of the anatomy right this second. And we also had a gift that was prepped for her from the baby.
And one of the gifts, which I knew she would be obsessed with, was meant to mimic me, her mommy. Right? It was a baby carrier by Melissa and Doug, and it is absolutely precious.
I’ll put the link to the baby carrier in the show notes because, seriously, it is the perfect gift to give a new older toddler sibling, someone who’s, you know, taking on that role as big sis.
And I would say I’d even include it with your gift to a friend who is maybe expecting their second baby, because you’re obviously gonna give a gift to the newborn.
Melissa and Doug’s Mine to Love Carrier Playset
Embrace your toddler with a great big sister/brother gift
But it’s really important to make the toddler feel seen, so this would be a great gift to give the toddler, to embrace their new gig as an older sibling.
And to see my toddler pulling out all the gifts and, you know, showing them to the new baby, it was absolutely adorable.
And I’ll never forget her showing the baby a book, and she opened it and she said, this is a bus. Can you say bus? And I just thought it was hysterical that she’s already trying to, like, teach her and, you know, just help her grow.
And I’m like, she can’t talk yet, but stay tuned.
So right there, those are 2 of my major recommendations about getting your toddler acclimated.
Number 1, involve them from the start. Let them know that they’re gonna become a big sibling, and just have them involved as much as possible, whether it’s picking out outfits for the baby, names, like practicing names with them. Hey, which one do you like?
All of those things is setting them up for what’s to come.
And, of course, make sure you have a gift ready from the new baby when they are introduced, because that’s a major distraction in and of itself.
Maintaining Toddler’s Routine
Another thing that I have tried to stick to is routine for my toddler. Now I always put her to bed and read stories to her. So what we do is I have my husband take care of our newborn, while I tend to our toddler.
Our new bedtime routine is that my husband will get the newborn ready. I’ll feed her, and then my husband will take over. He’ll get her changed into her pajamas, sleep sack, and then, of course, keep her upright for 20 to 30 minutes before putting her in the bassinet.
If you know, you know that newborn acid reflux is quite a… So while he’s doing that, I’m getting my toddler ready with brushing her teeth, picking out her books, getting in bed.
Process of co-sleeping with both children
Now, we do co sleep, all 4 of us. So maintaining this routine was very important for not just our toddler, but quite frankly us. And I have very strong opinions on co sleeping. I will do a podcast episode on that on another time.
And while I know it doesn’t work for everyone, it has been a godsend for us. So that leads me to say, I did have a lot of worries about co sleeping.
Namely because you you only know what you know, and I only knew what my firstborn sleeping patterns were when she was a newborn those 1st few months. You know, she had a tongue tie, whereas my second baby doesn’t.
And I was really worried about, oh, gosh, what is sleep gonna look like for us? Is the baby gonna wake up my toddler in the middle of the night, you know, due to the stirring or crying or whatever it is?
And I can tell you that we are almost literally this week, a month in, and it hasn’t been a problem. Not one time. And I encourage you to not worry about things you can’t control.
I had people telling me that I needed to start putting my toddler in her own bed, in her own room, and whatnot. And I was like, what? I knew in my gut that that wasn’t gonna work for anyone.
Not her, not me and my husband, and our sleeping habits and routines. And I’m so grateful that I trusted my intuition on that. This new little person will be such a jewel for you, but it shouldn’t totally disrupt your world, specifically your toddlers.
Practical Challenges of Managing Two Children
What has been a big change is what I can do on my own. You know, you have a little tiny human, so things like taking a shower or cooking or things like that, you’re you’re constantly worried about, where’s my toddler? Where’s my toddler? Is the toddler near the baby? You know?
And and teaching the toddler how to have soft hands and not to touch the eyes and the mouth and the nose and the ears and all of the things.
And and her head, you know, make sure, you know, her head’s really soft, like all of that. You know, in the beginning, my kid was like Lenny of mice and men. I was like, relax.
And they just they don’t understand. And even though they’re toddlers, they’re still they have toddler strength. It’s scary.
Increased complexity of taking care of personal needs.
So that has been a big difference and change in that I have to when I shower, I have to make sure that someone else is home. I, you know, I just can’t do those things.
It’s also been a huge adjustment with because I am a very independent person. If you know, you know, with with running errands and and just my normal day to day.
I never ever had any problem bringing my newborn and now toddler anywhere by myself, whether it was the grocery store, doctor’s appointments, out to lunch with friends, running errands.
Heck, I’ve even flown by myself with her multiple times, never an issue. Now, forget it. Forget it.
Nightmare. Literally impossible. Yes, a lot of that has to do with your closeness and age in that, you know, my toddler, she can’t put herself, climb up into my SUV, and put herself into her car seat and buckle herself in.
Like, she can’t she can’t lift herself into the shopping cart. Like, all of those things, it definitely makes it difficult. Plus, my toddler is a runner, so God help me.
Like, you know, when you see people with kids on leashes, you’re like, oh, my gosh. But then when you have a runner for a toddler, you’re like, I kinda get it. I’m kidding, kind of.
Safety concerns when out with both children.
They’re both very small humans. But aside from the closeness and age making that challenging for those instances I just named, my head is on a constant swivel when it comes to protecting them.
And the fact is you only have 2 eyes and 2 children makes you much more distracted, therefore, an easier target. I literally won’t go anywhere with both of them without either my husband being with me or one of my parents.
It just, it’s just not going to happen, and it probably won’t for a very long time. Speaking of that, we have made sure to have separate time with each daughter.
Ensuring Individual Attention for Each Child
I brought my newborn to work last week and introduced her to my coworkers and, you know, she was there in her bassinet just chilling, sleeping, while I had a meeting with my bosses.
And my toddler, she got 1 on 1 attention at home with my dad, you know, playing Play Doh and all those things. But then later that week, I took my toddler with me solo to the chiropractor because that had become her regular routine with me before the baby was born.
She likes to go, she I mean, she might as well join the staff. She’s an ambassador. They all love her. She goes in. She plays with her toys while I’m getting my massage and chiropractic work done, then it’s her turn, then we go upstairs and we do our IV for my glutathione shot.
Like, she she’s the mayor there. And that was very important to me to make her feel special, you know, one on one time with mommy.
And listen, my husband and I are by no means experts at this. Okay? First of all, we’re both only children. We’re both brand new at this whole experience of having more than one child.
We’ve only been parents for two and a half years and now parents of 2 children a month. And we have certainly had our uh-oh moments with toddler. And, yes, our parent meltdowns as well.
Balancing attention and activities to make each child feel special
But overall, we’re doing well. And I say that because when I was pregnant, I was worried about this new dynamic constantly. Constantly.
It’s no secret that I was very nervous to rattle the dynamic of our nuclear family. And because I pride myself on transparency, there is one last thing that I’ll say, that I know in my heart and in my gut, that some mom who is about to go from 1 child to 2 might experience and needs to hear what I’m about to say.
Navigating the Unique Love Dynamics with Each Child
When your first baby is born, the love is like no other. The baby didn’t have to earn it. They just got it because you’re their mama.
And it is so different than the love you have for your husband or a best friend. Those types of love are intimate. They’re earned over time. They’re built on trust.
But a baby, they just need you. Your role is to protect them at all costs. I felt that with my first, and I certainly do feel that with my second. But I’d be lying to you if I said that it wasn’t different the second time around.
Because just like your love for your husband that was built over time, full of memories and more, so too is your relationship with your first baby. So when that second one comes around, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them because you do, but the love is different. And what makes it so different is that your love for your first grows even more.
But when you see how your toddler acts with the new baby, how sweet and kind and helpful I mean, the helpful level goes through the roof. How helpful they are to you and the baby. You melt.
And while your love for your newborn is true, it’s a part of you forever. Literally, that’s science, that your baby’s DNA is a part of your heart forever.
Emotional and Psychological Adjustments
Different types of love for first and second children
That love for your firstborn grows even stronger. And I’m here to say, don’t feel guilty about that. It’s normal. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.
You’re going to love on that new baby just as much as your firstborn in time. Once you accept that it will be different, not better, certainly not worse, just different, you’ll be at ease.
I’ve been trying to not get caught up in the comparison game, but it’s inevitable. You have 2 tiny little humans that have your complete heart.
You’re gonna compare. Who was heavier? Who was longer? Which one’s sleeping better? Which one does this one look like? Mom? Dad? Well, they both have blue eyes.
I mean details down to their tiny hands and feet. But what remains the same is that you were meant to be their mom. You’ll figure out all the details of what works and what doesn’t as time goes on.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about motherhood, is that every day you’re growing and learning. No one is an expert. Certainly not someone who had a child 40 years ago either.
No one. I trust God’s plan, and I pray to him every night with thankfulness and gratitude that he gave me the best role in the world, that I am these 2 little girls’ mama.
If you’re worried about growing your family, don’t be. Please learn from my mistake, and don’t spend your whole pregnancy worrying about the what ifs.
Stay present in the moment. Enjoy your pregnancy. Okay. Maybe not the morning sickness, but it could be your last, just like this was mine.
Soak up all the moments with your firstborn, because, no, it’s not ever gonna be the same again. You won’t get those moments back. If you’ve been through a scenario like this, in your pregnancy, postpartum, or just motherhood journey in general, please know that you’re not alone.
This is the most difficult, yet rewarding job you’ll ever have. And I’m here to help you in each season.
I have 30 minute motherhood mentorship calls that I offer to help talk you through your questions, your research findings, birth preferences, and more.
It’s added support on topics like we discussed today. This is your time, and we’ll customize the conversation to best fit your needs.
Motherhood Mentorship Call
Sometimes We Just Need To Talk It Out
I’ll help you talk through your questions, your research findings, your birth preferences and more. This is your time, and we will customize the conversation to best fit your needs.
